Sasha Frost's Blog

The Letting Go by Sasha Frost

The next morning after her mother’s rape, Sasha woke up and got dressed and then she went to look for her mom.  She found her in her bedroom, lying still Sasha thought she might be asleep but she wasn’t.  “Mom?”  Sasha called her timidly.  At first her mother didn’t answer her and then slowly she turned her head towards Sasha and asked what she wanted.  What Sasha saw in her eyes reminded her of that dead bird and it scared her, they were so hollow. 

     “Are you okay Mommy?” seeing her mother this way made her feel like she was about five and it terrified her.  “I’m fine now leave.”  She said this with absolutely no feeling at all and then rolled over with her back towards Sasha.  Sasha grabbed her coat then needing to get as far away from the house as possible.  She ran as hard as as fast as she could, she ran across their lot and back into what was the cornfields and she just kept on going until she couldn’t breathe and lungs ached and felt like they were on fire.  She came upon a tree and lost in a sudden attack of fury she started hitting it.  She cursed and screamed at it imagining that it was Shawn and she kept hitting until her hands were bloody.  She didn’t stop until pain shot up her right arm that was too much to ignore, so cradling her arm against her chest she slid down the tree resting against it.  She sat there rubbing her arm looking up at the sky watching the clouds moving past.  She wanted to question God.  She wondered where He was and why He allowed this to happen to her and her mother.  She felt disgusted.  She looked out over the field and spied a figure moving towards her across the blanket of snow.   As the figure got closer she realized it was Brian.  She didn’t feel like company right now and she wanted to scream at him and tell him everything, but she didn’t.

     He sat down next to her and inspecting the tree bark on the ground and her bloody hands he had questions but like her he didn’t say anything.  They sat there in silence both of them lost in their own thoughts.  Finally Brian was the one that broke quietness that surrounded them.  “I yelled at you when you came out of your house but I guess you didn’t hear me?”  Sasha didn’t respond except to ask how he found her.  He smiled lightly and told her he had followed her tracks in the snow.  “I didn’t know you could run so fast and so far.”  He was trying to cheer her up.  She looked like hell and he wondered about her.  “Would you like to go to Stevenson’s Hill for a ride?”  He asked this whispering, carefully because he knew she was upset and something terrible must have occurred.  He thought she didn’t hear him and was getting ready to ask again when he saw her turn and with pain in her eyes she said that would be nice.

     He helped her to get up and although he wanted to know what had happened he kept his mouth shut and just hoped that she would be okay.  They made their way over to his grandmothers and picking up the sled trudged the long way up the hill.  After a couple of times of running down the hill and feeling the exhilaration of the slide everything became foggy and distant in her mind.  She lost herself in thir childhood games and she was content with that.  She was laughing and throwing snowballs at Brian and feeling more like herself again.  After the fourth time down the hill she told Brian that she was hungry and would be right back after she got something to eat.  He told her that he was too and that he would try to talk the others into coming outside to play also.  She turned toward him then and giving him a hug she told him thank you.  “For what?” he was a little embarrassed and surprised by her sudden gesture.  “For cheering me up…..thank you.”  She grinned and quickly threw another snowball at him while his guard was down and then ran inside laughing.

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